For most people, marriage is a major step. Your lives may have been intertwined before, but they’re about to become a lot more now. While it’s important to know the small things, like what your partner's hobbies are or if they want a dog or cat, knowing the deeper things can make or break everything.
- What is your dream in life, and how do I fit in?
Figuring out what your partner wants in life; their dream career, goals, and where you fit into all of it, is what will help you figure out if this is going to work. If they want to travel, but you like the city you live in and can’t ever imagine moving, it may lead to one of you feeling trapped.
- Do you want kids? How does that fit into your and our life plan?
Well, this is a big one! If both of you want kids then that’s perfect, but if one of you is set on never having any, it can feel like you’ll always be missing something.
- How would you want to raise our kids?
Great, you’re on the same page for wanting kids, now what? Maybe one of you wants someone to stay at home full time, or maybe you want to raise them vegetarian. All of these are something you need to figure out, and agree on before you even start trying.
- What would happen if one of us were to lose our job?
As we know with the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s easy to suddenly lose your job. What happens if one of you happens to lose your job? How will it impact your bills, and your day-to-day life? Will it put a strain on your relationship?
- Where do you see your career in 10 years?
Does your partner think they’ll still be at the same palace, in the same position? Or maybe they’ll be chasing their dream job across the country? Are you open to relocating for that job? These are important things to figure out.
- Do you prefer a night in or a night out?
Do they prefer a cozy night of games, movies, and popcorn? Or do they want to go out for dinner or see friends?
- Spontaneity or plans?
Maybe they like to have their days planned down to the minute, or maybe they like to plan a road-trip 5 minutes before they leave. Good thing to be on the same page on. You can discover more about how spontaneous your partner is from the Color Wheel Quiz in Couply.
- Are you satisfied with our sex life?
Maybe they feel like it’s missing something, that there’s too much routine, or not enough creativity. Maybe there’s something they’ve been wanting to try. Improved communication around sex equates to a better sex life. But remember; communication isn’t listing your demands and wants – it’s around understanding your partner which brings your closer. Diving into the Intimacy Course on Couply will give you strategies keeping your sex life spicy!
- What are your turn-ons, turn-offs, and hard-no’s?
Make sure you know what your partner likes, is open to trying, and can’t ever imagine doing. Having that conversation will save you that awkward moment of questioning what the hell you’re doing. If you want to understand this, the Desire Quiz in Couply will do a lot of the hard work for you!
- Has there ever been something you didn’t want to tell your partner?
You only need to scroll Reddit for a little while to see that sometimes people save some pretty big disclosures until after their married. Things about their sexuality, or a really big life goals that could have a major impact on their parter. It’s for sure best to have those harder conversations before tying the knot.
- How does your partner communicate their love?
Figuring out how your partner communicates that they love you is vital. While you might shower them with affection, they might do it by washing the dishes after you cook dinner. It might be worth checking out some quizzes about what your love style is. (Yes, we have this in the Couply app)
- What does your partner do that makes you smile?
Sometimes our partners will do something that just makes you warm inside, leaving you with the biggest smile. Tell each other what that is, maybe make a note of it. The simplest of things can mean the world to others.
- Do you expect me to change in any areas after we are married?
Maybe you’re from different religious backgrounds, or one of you is used to living the bachelor lifestyle. Have a conversation about what differences you have and figure out if anything needs to change.
- How important is it to still go on dates?
Research shows date nights are important. Sometimes we get scared that once we’re married life will become boring. If that’s the case, have a conversation about how many dates you might like to have every month to keep the adventure alive.
- How should we split household tasks and bills?
If you already live together then there should already be some idea of how you’ll split bills and tasks, but if not, or if you haven’t already set a plan, talk about that. Research shows an equitable split improves relationship harmony. So why it may not seem like a big deal, getting those expectations front and centre is important. Maybe you’re okay doing dishes while your partner prefers to do laundry.
- How many vacations would we take/what kind?
While not every family takes vacations if it’s something you like to do make sure you have a plan. Setting aside some of your monthly income for a big trip at the end of the year, or even discussing places on your bucket list will help figure it out. Take Travel Buddies course in the Couply app to see what kind of traveler you and your partner are!
- What family traditions do we want?
Couples create their own rituals, which are an important factor in relationship success. Maybe your partner grew up spending Christmas in a cabin in the mountains, or maybe you spent your summers abroad. Figure out what you want to keep, what new traditions you want to make, and any you absolutely don’t want to have.
- Are different political/religious views an issue?
It’s becoming increasingly more common for people with different religious backgrounds and political standings to start relationships and get married. We’re also seeing a polarisation of opinion across many political issues. Now is the perfect time to figure out if either of you has an issue with this.
- When do you need alone time?
While those first few months of a new relationship are full of wanting to be with that person 24/7, everyone needs alone time. In a healthy relationship, it’s important to keep your own identity and life outside of your partners. Figuring out if your partner needs time to destress after a long work day alone, or prefers to deal with things privately can help avoid them feeling suffocated in the relationship. Check out the Couply introversion / extroversion quiz to learn more about your partner.
- What are your boundaries?
Boundaries are vital to every healthy relationship. Learning what your partner's boundaries are, and let them know yours, can help create a safe, healthy, and stable relationship.
Whether you use these as a conversation starter or a fun game of 20 questions, they should be able to help you make an informed decision about starting a life with your partner. Looking for some more questions?
Head over to the Couply app to check out thousands more questions for you and your partner to dive into!