Do you have that thing that your partner never does or always does that seems totally illogical or annoying for you?
And for you, it seems so obvious and just plain common sense for you to do it that you end up just doing it every single time?
Is there something that your partner constantly nags to you about, but that you think just isn’t a big deal?
This might be because of…
The 1% rule.
If one person does something 1% more often than the other, it can make a 100% difference in the amount of times they do that thing.
You wake up 1% earlier than your partner 100% of the time you’re making the morning coffee.
You wash the towels 1% more often than your partner, 100% of the time you’re washing the towels.
You like the sink to be 1% cleaner than your partner, 100% your cleaning the sink.
You like the carpet to be 1% cleaner; 100% of the time it’s you pulling the vacuum out.
You’re 1% better at getting the baby to sleep.
These little 1% to 100% ratios show up everywhere. Think about 1% with patience, 1% better at organizing, 1% more free time to “run errands”, 1% better at cooking, 1% better at budgeting… it can get A LOT!
None of this is a problem if you’ve communicated and shared expectations about you and your partner's 1%’s and divided roles in a way that both of you are happy with.
Each of you are pulling your weight in what you’re doing.
Each of you have those little things that 100% of the time, you’re happy to do.
But where it can become a major problem is if these aren't addressed.
The relationship feels one sided. You feel exhausted. You might feel like our partner isn’t pulling their weight. Resentment builds. You nag them, and then – they don’t see your side!
Things start to crumble. Things start to feel ‘off’.
All because of a few pesky 1% differences that start making a true 100% difference in the quality of your bond.
The first step is to recognize each of you have 1%’s.
Name them, share them and split them.
Have an honest conversation about expectations, perhaps your quirks and more importantly the value they are pinned to.
When your partnerunderstands your values, it makes the expectations around 1%’s feels totally different. There is a story. They are part of you. Perhaps in sharing that, it might either lessen your attachment to them, or it’ll get your partner on your side.
So your partner might say; I want to have a clean sink, because I was raised in a dirty home, and I never had control over my environment. So, when you leave crap in the kitchen it just takes me right back to square one.
Okay yikes, most people who aren’t professional therapists don’t talk in that way in the real world, but it’s your job to don the detective hat – spy out these little 1%’s and then discover the value behind them.
Sometimes, they might need to be dispelled and sometimes they might need to be respected. With kind and emphatic discussion you’ll get there.
This is huge for your relationship. It will make your partner feel appreciated, loved and just pours tons cement into the structure of your relationship.
It seems so, so small, but these small thing often are all the nails, screws that strengthen your bond together.
Finally, if you and your partner can show appreciation for one another’s 1%’s and see the value they bring, well now you’re entering GOAT mode.
If you know your partner has a 1% and you appreciate it; thank them for it.
Hey, I just want to say; I love how you’re so clean. It always means our space is nice. I know sometimes I complain; but overall it’s good for us.
Hey, I love the effort you take making sure we always have fun new things to do.I know I worry a lot about finances, but my life is so much more fun with you thinking of these things.
Hey, I want to say thank you for taking out the trash, but especially in winter. You know I hate going out in the cold so I appreciate it.
Hey, thank you for always sorting out our shoes. I know I let them get into a mess.
Hey, I appreciate how good you are at sorting out our finances and getting us organized.
Doesn’t that feel great?