We’ve all heard about the relationship timeline. That little imaginary guidebook on how many dates you should have before the first kiss, when spending the night for the first time is considered okay, and how long you should wait before moving in together!

But we also know that no two relationships are the same, some develop slowly, over years, others are ready to tie the knot a year after the first date. 

So maybe you and your partner are thinking of moving in together, but wondering if it’s too soon?

We’ve got you!

Below is a quick relationship quiz on if it’s time to move in together and also a  list of red flags, green flags, and things you should consider before taking that next step.

Relationship Quiz: Is it the right  time to move in together?

Red flags:

You don’t talk about money and finances

Maybe you or your partner are in a financial rough patch and are avoiding talking about it. Or maybe one of you makes more than the other and one of you is upset by it. Whatever it may be, it means you don’t talk about your finances.

You’re going through a major life change

A major life change will effect everything. It can cause us to make rash decisions without thinking them through. If you’re going through major life change, maybe take a step back and think this through.

You can’t manage healthy conflict

It’s normal for all couples to have a disagreement, but if you and your partner are constantly arguing without moving forward then maybe it’s a sign to reevaluate your relationship before moving in together. 

You haven’t had a trial run

One important thing to do before moving in together is having a trial run. If you haven’t spend more than a few days staying at either yours or your partners place then you can’t be sure that you can do that indefinitely. 

You can’t support yourself

If you’re not in the financial state to support yourself you could be putting a strain on your partner and the relationship. Moving in with another person may not be the best thing to do. 

You have different goals

Having goals separate from your partner can be important, it can help keep your personal identity outside of your relationship. But if they don’t include each other or the relationship, it can cause constant fights. 

You’re not in love

If you aren’t in love with your partner and you’re moving in together it can become a roommate sort of situation. If you’re hoping that moving in together will help you fall in love, it could just cause further tension. 

Your gut says no

Trusting your gut is an important part in our every day lives. If you have that feeling that this isn’s something you want, trust it, there’s usually a good reason behind it. 

Green Flags:

You practically live together

If you practically live together already, you can’t remember the last time you spent a night apart and you’re getting along great already, then it already makes sense to take that next step. 

You’re on the same page about your relationship

Have you talked about where you want this relationship to go and are on the same page? Then maybe it’s time to take these next steps together.

You have good finances

Make sure that you’re ready to pay your way and that you’re open about your finances. If you are, it’ll make the process easier and more enjoyable.

You have good communication

Making sure you know how to have discussions without it turning into a fight right away, knowing when your partner needs space, and how to talk about difficult topics is a sure sign that you’re ready to move in together.

You support your partners goals and they support yours

Having each others back and supporting the other person's goals is vital to any relationship. Making sure that you have that is another check off the list of requirements. 

You can deal with their living quirks

If you’ve spent a reasonable amount of time with another person, you’ve learned how messy they are or some of their ‘quirks’. Making sure that you can deal with another persons mess can help avoid arguments over chores and cleanliness. 

You don’t keep big secrets from each other

Being comfortable enough with another person to tell them your big secrets cn bring you closer. Ask yourself if you can do that with your partner, and if you can’t then maybe it’s a good idea to ask yourself why. 

Your gut says yes

Trusting your gut is an important part in our every day lives. If you have that feeling that this is something you want and there’s enough to back up that feeling, then it’s a good idea to move forward. 

Things to think about:

  1. Location

Talk about wether you want to live in the bustling downtown area, or in the surrounding suburbs. Take into consideration if you plan on starting a family there, if it’s going to be your forever home, if you want to move in the next few years.

  1. Personal space

Figure out what each person needs to have their personal space. Maybe one of you needs an office, or a space they can relax after a long day at work.

  1. Chores

Make a list of household chores, talk about who prefers doing what, maybe even set up a schedule.

  1. Routines

Learn each others routines, figure out how to respect each others and incorporate them with your own.

  1. Fears

Talk about any fears you may have about moving in together and how you can make things work. What if one of you getting relocated for work, or if you lose your job – have you saved a few months emergency pot?

  1. Pets

If you already have pets or are thinking about getting one, make sure you and your partner are on the same page about them. Figure out if you’re dog or cat people, maybe both, or maybe neither.

  1. Why? 

Ask yourself if it makes the most sense in your relationship, or if it’s just a good idea from a financial stand point. Figuring out the why maybe the best way to see if this is is a good decision.

All relationships develop at their own pace, so while there may be no definitive answer to what is considered too soon, thinking about the reasons behind the idea, asking yourself and your partner these questions can all help you decide if this is the right idea.

Sources:

https://www.lifehack.org/823385/relationship-timeline

https://www.bustle.com/wellness/green-flags-relationship-experts