What Are the 36 Questions to Fall in Love?
Do you want to speed the process of falling in love with someone while also looking to get to know each other on a deeper level?
Whether you’re in the talking stage, you've just started dating or have been in a relationship for a while now, getting to know your partner is essential in being able to build trust and communication. You can do that simply by asking and answering these 36 questions that have been designed to bring you and someone of your choice closer. These questions were first introduced by a social psychology researcher named Arthur Aron, who claimed that his questions generated more closeness between the two individuals who decide to engage with answering those 36 questions, connecting them on a deeper level and getting to know each other better in the process. Now even though these questions are referred to today as the “36 Questions That Lead to Love”, I should mention that Aron claimed that these questions can be used by anyone, not necessarily just by couples, as his experiment was initially done between strangers who at the end of the study reported that they felt more connected to the other person.
Why Use the 36 Questions in a Relationship?
These 36 questions, believe it or not, could make or break your relationship! Okay no, just being a bit dramatic really, but they really do have the potential of improving your relationship. And who doesn’t want to understand their partner and connect with them on a deeper level? Who doesn’t want to gain more appreciation and be more appreciated with their partner? Who doesn't want more love?
You want that, and I want that for you too!
Here are some of the reasons why you should use the 36 question in your relationship:
- It enhances your understanding and your empathy towards one another. These 36 questions can provide you with a way to delve deeper into each other’s lives, past experiences, values and dreams making it easier for you and your partner to understand each other’s feelings, thoughts and perspectives on things which can help with any misunderstandings in the future.
- It helps build your trust. Asking and answering personal questions improves your sense of trust in each other as it helps create a secure yet vulnerable environment while encouraging you to have an open and honest discussion, that could potentially lead to branching out from these 36 questions and come up with even more questions that you might have in mind that were prompted from these 36 questions. Being vulnerable in a safe environment is a great way to share without feeling insecure or that you’re being judged, and will guarantee you feeling closer to each other by the end.
- It will help with bringing you closer. These get to know questions can help you share personal stories and be vulnerable that can lead you to an increased emotional intimacy by making you feel seen and accepted by your partner.
- It will strengthen your connection. The 36 questions will urge you to actively listen to one another and even maybe help you bring forward any insecurities or doubts that you are facing about your relationship that can easily be resolved just by mentioning it and talking through it while trying to understand each other’s fears and hopes to improve your connection.
- It will improve your communication skills. Asking questions that you don’t just get to ask everyday can help you and your partner learn how to express your thoughts and feelings in a more effective way that can later help with any conflicts and misunderstandings you might come across in your future.
Use the 36 Questions to Find Out More About Your Personalities in Your Relationship
By getting down and personal with someone, there is no way you won’t get to explore more about their personality as well.
This is how the 36 questions can be used to understand your partner’s personality a bit more:
- They will reveal preferences and interests: Asking about their favorite activities and hobbies, their answers can be a reflection of some of their personality traits such as whether they are introverted or extroverted or if they are adventurous or home-bodies.
- Getting to know someone can help you understand their beliefs and values: Learning about how they view the world, and their beliefs will give you an insight of their priorities, their morals and what they are fond of. It will show you whether they have any empathy or integrity.
- Exploring their life experiences: Finding out about their past life experiences will help you understand why they are the way they are, what shaped them to be the person they are today! It can serve as an indicator of their future reactions to certain events, the way they handle an emotional situation and all the lessons they have learned showing how resilient they can be and their emotional depth.
- Uncovering their communication style: Being able to understand how your partner communicates is very important to know how to deal with them and expect how they might deal with you when things get a bit difficult. By getting to know each other and answering these 36 questions, you will be able to tell how communicative they can be. Whether they are more open and self-aware or if they are more reserved. Finding out their communication style will help you understand whether they are the type of person who will confront you when something isn’t right, if they are comfortable enough letting you know when they feel something is wrong or is upsetting them, or if they’re just going to keep it all inside and let it build up instead.
Trust me, you want to know your partner’s communication style as it is extremely important. Before I got into my relationship, I made sure to ask and observe how my partner communicates while they did the same with me and ever since, it has saved us from so many silly little arguments or feeling unnecessarily upset with each other.
- Highlighting their personal growth and indicating their self-awareness: Any kind of personal questions that are set to get people more connected with each other, are naturally related to assessing their self-improvement and how committed they are to becoming an even better person, for themselves and for you! You will want them to treat you with the utmost respect. Plus, you can also tell a lot about someone by the way they can reflect on their own personality and how they view themselves.
If you want, here’s a YouTube video with a few extra intimate questions you can ask your partner as a way to help you figure out their personality:
The 36 Questions To Fall In Love That You Should Ask Your Partner
These 36 questions will help bring you closer and find out more about your partner. Make sure to ask and answer the questions in the order provided and throw some intense eye contact in there for maximum effect.
A little side note: going through the questions may take around 45 minutes, give or take, so make sure you’re not in a hurry.
Here are the 36 questions:
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you've dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three true "we" statements each. For example, "we are both in this room feeling..."
- Complete this sentence "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."
- If you were going to become closer friends with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Reflect on the Experience of Asking the 36 Questions With Your Partner
After finishing with getting to know each other, you and your partner should focus on the outcomes of this activity. Ask yourselves: How do you feel? How do you think your partner feels? Do you feel closer to them than you did before? Did you learn anything new about each other?
Getting to know each other and asking questions is very crucial for all relationships, early stages or not, and it should help you build a stronger foundation for your relationship so in the future, don’t be afraid to ask them about anything and everything that comes to mind!
Sharing My Personal Experience With the 36 Questions
Recently I had the pleasure of getting into these 36 questions with my partner, well I actually didn’t give him any choice but nevermind that (just a little joke). The reason I wanted to try the 36 questions is because I know he tends to get a bit uncomfortable and awkward when we try and talk about more deep and personal stuff and neither of us can actually maintain eye contact when we’re being vulnerable for more than 10 seconds (yes I have timed us before), but he has admitted that ever since we started dating he tries to be more open about his feelings even though it’s really hard for him. So curiosity got the best of me and I wanted to see if these questions will actually make a difference in our relationship and how we feel about each other, and let me tell you that they definitely did make a difference.
How did I approach asking the 36 Questions with my Partner?
First I will tell you very quickly how I approached him with the idea, we had just got back from a date and I was going to spend the night with him. We changed into something warm and cozy as I wanted him to feel comfortable and I casually told him I wanted to test a theory and after we asked and answered some deep questions, I would tell him what the theory was. I warned him that there is a chance the questions might make him feel vulnerable but I’m not here to judge him and I will be answering the questions with him. After he agreed I gave him a few minutes to brace himself just in case. So then we just got into it, it actually did take us a bit more than the 45 minutes as I tend to have more questions after answering a question and make sure I am fully understanding his feelings and thoughts. Oh and the eye contact, it took us a bit of getting used to but after the first 6 or 7 questions it just came naturally.
After the last question I asked him how he feels and if he’s feeling any different regarding his feelings to me and to my surprise, he actually answered without any hesitation. We both agreed that we feel closer to each other and even more safe with one another, there was no judgment and personally, this is going to be a core moment for me. Getting to be vulnerable while we were both reassuring each other in the process that this is a safe space just felt like a heavy weight getting lifted off my shoulders if you know what I mean.
It was a great and memorable experience and I do highly recommend that you just get vulnerable with each other, but make sure you’re both comfortable and even ready for things to get emotional.
Want a Couples Questions App?
I want the best for you and your partner and Couply is a great tool for you to use in your relationship, it can help you learn more about each other and navigate your relationship while having fun doing so! You can do quizzes, play games and especially, answer so many questions that help you share your thoughts and feelings with your partner on a daily basis.
Just find the app on your phone’s app store and get asking!