It's no secret that relationships can be challenging.

Your relationship with your partner could become strained or filled with conflict for a number of reasons.

Banter is one source of tension that most people might consider to be minor. Couples banter is a fun way to connect with your partner and show your affection.  But when banter starts being harmful, it can do a lot of damage to your relationship. It can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, and betrayal.  Insults, put-downs, and other nasty remarks makeup harmful banter. It's important to address the matter head-on if you and your partner are engaging in harmful banter in your relationship, whether it's deliberate or unintentional. Discuss how the banter is making you feel with your partner and how they can make it better. If you are the one using the hurtful banter, take some time to think about it and be open to your partner's concerns.

Here are a few examples of how harmful banter might appear in a relationship, for your reference:

Making jokes about someone's looks, intelligence, or other personal traits can be very harmful and lead to insecurity and low self-esteem. Aside from being cruel, making fun of someone's interests, hobbies, or lifestyle decisions can also lead to conflict and animosity. Another way to cause emotional harm is to make fun of someone's family, friends, or other loved ones. In summary, it is best to avoid any kind of banter that is intended to make someone feel horrible about themselves.

At the end, banter is meant to be fun and lighthearted. It is meant to add to your relationship with your partner not take from it. Unfortunately, harmful banter can be done unconsciously, so here are a few tips for staying away from harmful banter in a relationship: Be aware of your partner’s boundaries and respect them. If your partner doesn’t enjoy banter or finds it hurtful, then it’s best to avoid it altogether or change your banter style to something that works for both of you. Avoid using banter to put your partner down. Don’t take banter too seriously. If you start to get upset or offended by your partner’s banter, it’s time to stop and re-evaluate the situation.

Lastly, banter is supposed to be funny and lighthearted. It is intended to strengthen rather than damage your relationship with your partner. Here are some tips for avoiding toxic banter in a relationship:  Recognize and respect your partner's boundaries. It's best to skip banter completely or adjust it if your partner doesn't find it amusing, so that you and your partner can both enjoy it. Avoid using banter to put your partner down. Don’t take banter too seriously. If you start to get upset or offended by your partner’s banter, it’s time to stop and re-evaluate the situation. Use banter to build up your partner. Banter can be a terrific way to encourage and uplift your partner. 

Always remember that reciprocity and having fun with your banter are key.

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