Chronic pain, whether caused by an illness or injury, is a widespread problem and has a far-reaching impact on the health and life of individuals. According to the CDC data, 24.3% of adults in the US reported chronic pain in the past 3 months in 2023. Even worse, 8.5% of adults had high-impact chronic pain that frequently limited their life or work activities.
The impact of chronic pain on relationships cannot be overlooked. Couples, where one or both partners face chronic pain, encounter problems that affect their bonding. Over time, they may lose intimacy, become emotionally distant, and even drift apart.
However, they do not have to sacrifice intimacy, teamwork, or joy; instead, they can cultivate a meaningful partnership by adapting habits, expectations, and communication styles. Although chronic pain alters routines and roles, it can also deepen empathy and gratitude when addressed proactively.
In this article, we will share some valuable advice with couples dealing with chronic pain to help them keep their relationships thriving.
Prioritize Open Communication
Open, honest, and nonjudgmental conversations about feelings, symptoms, and needs are key to coping with chronic pain as a couple. Positive Psychology highlights the importance of honest communication for navigating challenges effectively. It fosters trust, harmony, and mutual understanding, no matter how hard things are.
Neither of the partners should suppress worries or fears because it can breed resentment. At the same time, sharing too much may overwhelm your partner. Strive for a balance that honours your personalities as a couple.
Discuss pain impacts and emotional experiences without trying to seek or offer solutions immediately. For the other partner, active listening is important. You must validate feelings, make space for venting, and show patience. Schedule regular check-ins to address challenges and celebrate small wins.
Win with Teamwork
Chronic pain shifts household dynamics, particularly when it affects mobility and the ability to do everyday chores. When you have kids to handle, your partner ends up with double the responsibility of managing housework and children. Such situations can create imbalances, but approaching life as a team builds resilience.
Start by dividing chores and tasks based on current abilities and adapt as symptoms fluctuate. For example, your partner can wash the dishes, and you can wipe them and lay the table if you deal with chronic pain. Setting joint goals for self-care and daily routines can make life easier for both partners.
Additionally, couples should focus on perspective-taking instead of worrying about individual challenges. They should try to see issues through each other’s eyes to avoid feeling alone in the struggle.
Look for Realistic Pain Relief
Chronic pain often cannot be “fixed,” but practical relief strategies can lessen strain on the relationship. Let us consider the example of lower back pain. The Lancet reports that 619 million people worldwide, nearly 10% of the global population, suffered from the condition in 2020. The number is expected to reach 843 million by 2050.
While painkillers and physiotherapy are the conventional treatments, many people have tried innovative approaches like spinal cord stimulators for relief. However, the Abbott spinal cord stimulator lawsuit highlights the dangers of these implantable devices. Many patients have sustained injuries and ended up needing surgical procedures to address them.
TorHoerman Law highlights the legal aspect, whereby victims can claim compensation from manufacturers. The case also underscores the need to seek safe and realistic pain relief options, such as gentle exercise, pacing, and relaxation. Couples can consider this a shared decision and look for professional support, including counseling or specialized medical care.
Rethink Intimacy
Chronic pain can alter intimacy, but couples who are flexible and communicative often rediscover deeper closeness. Penn State University notes that emotional closeness can lead to more satisfaction when physical intimacy is not possible. On the other hand, it can cause distress to the non-pain-affected person.
The solution lies in rethinking intimacy and finding a middle path. Discuss needs and boundaries and adapt intimacy to daily health realities. Practical steps like planning intimate time around medication schedules or pain levels can be helpful. You can also experiment with new approaches or activities that enable comfort without pressure.
Emotional intimacy, to some extent, is important to get through the challenging phases when pain is at its peak. Partners can share hopes and vulnerabilities, which can be just as vital as physical connection.
FAQs
How to emotionally support someone with chronic pain?
If you want to give emotional support to someone you love, listen actively and validate their feelings without trying to “fix” their pain immediately. Offer patience, empathy, and reassurance, reminding them that their value goes beyond their illness. Encourage self-care, celebrate small victories, and be flexible when plans change.
Can a relationship survive chronic illness?
Although chronic illness may be hard to deal with as a couple, many relationships not only survive but grow stronger. Key factors influencing the outcome are open communication, teamwork, flexibility, and a willingness to adapt roles. Relationships thrive when both partners feel valued and respected, despite the changes that the illness brings.
How to help a partner struggling with chronic pain?
Educate yourself about their condition and treatment options to better understand their journey. Also, offer practical help around the house, but encourage independence. Emotional support should be a priority. You can provide it by being a source of comfort, patience, and optimism. Advocate for their health needs and help them find suitable professional care.
Having a thriving relationship under the shadow of chronic pain is challenging, but love and commitment make it possible. When couples prioritize empathy, communication, flexible intimacy, and teamwork, they can beat the pain for good. Chronic pain is not a barrier when partners foster closeness and joy, as it transforms adversity into deeper understanding and lasting partnership.
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