Relationship insecurities usually come from fear and need to be dealt with in order to form a truly happy and strong connection. Follow along to learn about the most common insecurities in relationships and how to work through them.

Insecurities from a Lack of Trust in a Relationship

1. Jealousy in relationships 

Jealousy is probably the most common insecurity in relationships, and often comes from past experiences or a fear of losing your partner. It can manifest as feeling possessive of your partner or anxious about their interactions with others, and can turn toxic if it starts to involve behaviours such as tracking your partner's phone, or going through their things to look for signs of an affair.

To overcome jealousy, open communication is paramount. Make an effort to honestly express your feelings in order to foster understanding and trust with your partner. If you want to ensure that jealousy won't consume your relationship, it is necessary to establish clear boundaries and expectations. Additionally, encouraging individual growth and nurturing self-confidence can also be helpful, as those with high self-esteem are less likely to display intense jealousy

If you find that you struggle with this relationship insecurity, you can also take Couply´s Understanding Jealousy course to acknowledge and deal with your feelings in this area.

A woman looking through her patner´s phone, a common manifestation of jealousy in relationships

2. Fear of betrayal in your relationship

Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and the fear of betrayal can have a serious impact on the strength and depth of you and your partner´s connection. This insecurity often stems from past experiences or personal insecurities, and can affect your ability to become fully emotionally invested in your relationship.

Overcoming the fear of betrayal requires being vulnerable with your partner and engaging in transparent communication. You should share your concerns with your partner, as this can help them get a deeper understanding of you and perhaps allow them to alleviate your fears. It is important that you express your need for reassurance, so that you and your partner can work together to rebuild trust.

Remember that actions can speak louder than words so building trust and thus creating a sense of reliability and dependability in your relationship requires that actions are consistent with verbal assurances. 

Communication Insecurities in Relationships

3. Fear of being misunderstood within your relationship

Effective communication is crucial in any successful relationship as the fear of being misunderstood can lead to misinterpretations and unnecessary conflicts.  

You can enhance your communication skills by actively listening to each other, asking for clarification when needed, and creating a safe space for an open and honest dialogue. Why not also consider practising reflective listening, where each partner summarises what the other has said?

This practice can be especially useful when tackling challenging topics as (a) it forces each partner to employ active listening while the other is speaking (i.e. being fully engaged and attentive to what is being said), and (b) by summarising what your partner has said in your own words, you give them the opportunity to clarify their thoughts or correct any potential misunderstandings, before they turn into conflicts

A couple having a misunderstanding in their relationship

4. Fear of rejection in a relationship

While the fear of rejection is a quite common insecurity in relationships, it can hinder genuine connection and vulnerability. It often stems from past experiences and can manifest through people-pleasing and a reluctance to fully open up to your partner. It can be addressed by creating a supportive and judgement-free environment where both you and your partner feel free to share your feelings. Additional steps include practising vulnerability gradually, celebrating small victories, and acknowledging that rejection doesn't define one's worth.

It is important to note that the degree to which you might struggle with this insecurity can be influenced by additional factors. For instance, the fear of rejection is more common in people with some mental health conditions including OCD and social anxiety. If you believe that a mental health condition is the root cause of your insecurity, it might be best to seek out professional help, as a licensed therapist can support you to work through these issues, which will help strengthen your relationship.

Insecurities Based on Comparison within Relationshisps

5. Comparison to past relationships

Using your past relationship as a metric for your current one can be problematic. On the one hand, your past experience might have been a source of growth and could help you avoid making the same mistakes or figure out what you do or don’t want from your partner. However, it may also create unrealistic expectations or hinder your current relationship if one partner feels like they don’t measure up.

To overcome this, partners must recognize that each relationship is unique. Try to embrace the differences and lessons learned from previous experiences, using them as tools for growth rather than points of comparison. Open communication is crucial – discuss fears or insecurities related to past relationships openly. You can strengthen your bond with your current partner by cultivating the positive aspects of your relationship and focusing on shared values. 

A woman with a relationship insecurity comparing herself to her partner

6. Comparing yourself to your partner

Comparing yourself to your partner is another common insecurity, but if you want to have a strong and healthy relationship, it needs to be dealt with, since it can lead to unnecessary competition, breeding resentment and possible feelings of inadequacy.

This insecurity can be based on professional comparison, such as feeling like your partner is more successful, has a better job or earns more than you, or even a personal comparison, where you might believe your partner is more popular, has more friends or is more interesting than you.

Either way, comparing yourself to someone is never productive. What you want to do instead is remember that each person is different, with their own unique strengths and talents. Thus, remember that being in a relationship should mean being a team - try to focus on yourself, embracing and cultivating your individual gifts while supporting your partner to do the same. 

Personal Insecurities in Your Relationship

7. Self-esteem issues within relationships

Individual self-esteem directly impacts the health of a relationship. For instance, not feeling good enough for your partner can lead to overall self-doubt as well as overthinking about the relationship itself.

If either you or your partner struggle with self-esteem, you can support each other in building it up. The first step is acknowledging and expressing your insecurity to your partner which can help foster trust. Next, make sure to get in the habit of complimenting each other genuinely. After all, words of affirmations are one of the 5 love languages! You can also try engaging in shared activities that highlight individual strengths and can thus help in boosting confidence.

Remember that everyone can feel a bit insecure or down about themselves from time to time, but one of the perks of being in a relationship is having someone there to hype you up.

A man with self-esteem issues that impact his relationship

8. Fear of abandonment in a relationship

The fear of abandonment can have its roots in past traumas, and is closely related to the fear of being alone. This insecurity can lead to clinginess, emotional withdrawal, or over-dependence, which inevitably ends up straining any relationship.

If your fear of abandonment is relatively mild, building trust through consistent support, reassurance, and reliability can diminish it. Additionally, it can be helpful to focus on building a community rather than relying on one person to meet all your needs.

However, the intensity with which this insecurity is experienced is important as it is one of the main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Thus, if you feel this fear affects your quality of life, it is advisable to turn to professionals, who can help you overcome this insecurity and reach your goal of forming a healthy relationship.  

If you or your partner have been diagnosed with BPD, you should also check out Couply´s article on how to navigate this in intimate relationships.

Insecurities about the Future of Your Relationship

9. Fear of commitment in a relationship

Another common insecurity in relationships is the fear of commitment. This insecurity can stem from a number of factors including fear of the unknown, concerns about loss of freedom, or simply being afraid of getting hurt.

Overcoming this fear requires open communication and a gradual building of trust. Engaging in honest conversations about your fears, desires, and expectations might make the idea of commitment less scary while also helping you and your partner build a deeper connection.

As the old saying goes, you need to learn to walk before you can run, so the best strategy for working through this fear should involve establishing small commitments and gradually progressing towards more significant ones.

If you find that this is a significant problem in your relationship, it is always worth seeking professional guidance, such as in individual or couples therapy.

A couple looking out into the future of their relationship

10. Fear of growing apart in relationships

The fear of growing apart is a common concern that could make anyone anxious. As time passes, individuals and relationships evolve, and this natural progression can lead to concerns about drifting away from each other.

To address this, try to foster open discussions about the future of your relationship. Be sure to regularly discuss your goals and desires when it comes to the relationship while also considering each other's plans outside of it (e.g. in your career), as these can also have an impact on your future together.

Even if it seems that you and your partner are growing in different directions, embracing change together, rather than fearing it, can strengthen your bond and allow for mutual growth. Additionally, if you are intentional about investing in shared experiences and maintaining a sense of curiosity about each other, it might counteract the fear of growing apart.