Here’s a little secret: if you’ve ever faked an orgasm, you are far from alone. In fact, you’re in the majority. Surveys show a staggering number of people—across genders, orientations, and cultures—have done it at least once. Some do it often. Some almost every time.

But here’s the bigger question: why do we fake orgasms in the first place? And what does it do to our sex lives, our relationships, and our sense of self?

This guide dives into the messy truth about faking it: why it’s so common, how it impacts intimacy, and what you can do if you’re ready to stop performing and start experiencing.

How Common Is Faking Orgasms?

Faking orgasms isn’t rare—it’s surprisingly widespread.

• Research shows that around 40% of individuals fake orgasms at some point in time.
• A staggering 80% report faking during vaginal intercourse at least half of the time.
• In a 2019 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers found that nearly 60% of women have faked an orgasm.
• Other studies suggest that around 25% of men have faked orgasms, often due to performance pressure or wanting to end the encounter.

What’s even more revealing: in the Archives of Sexual Behavior report, most women who admitted to faking said they wanted to talk to their partner about it but didn’t know how to bring it up.

• 42% stayed silent because they didn’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings.
• Around 80% kept their fake orgasms a secret because they felt embarrassed or uncomfortable discussing the details of the encounter.

So if faking orgasms has ever felt like the “easier” option, you’re not alone. For many people, embarrassment and fear of hurting a partner’s feelings keep the cycle going.

Why People Fake Orgasms

It’s tempting to assume the reason is simple—someone wants sex to end faster. But the truth is more layered.

1. Pressure to Please a Partner

Many people fake orgasms because they don’t want their partner to feel insecure or rejected. They’d rather give the illusion of satisfaction than admit something isn’t working.

2. Fear of Hurting Someone’s Feelings

Sexual rejection can sting. Some fake to protect their partner’s ego, especially if they believe their honesty might be taken as criticism.

3. The “Script” of Sex

Thanks to media and porn, many of us grew up with the idea that “real sex” equals intercourse ending in simultaneous orgasm. Anything else feels like failure. So people fake to “complete the script.”

4. Performance Anxiety

Sometimes people fake orgasms not to protect their partner, but to protect themselves—from looking “broken,” “too slow,” or “not sexual enough.”

5. Avoiding Awkward Conversations

It can feel easier to fake an orgasm than to explain what you need. For many, silence feels safer than risking vulnerability.

The Psychological and Emotional Impact

Faking an orgasm might seem harmless in the moment. It can smooth over an awkward encounter, protect a partner’s feelings, or end a sexual experience that isn’t enjoyable. But while the short-term payoff is convenience, the long-term effects can cut deep—emotionally, psychologically, and relationally.

1. Short-Term Relief, Long-Term Disconnect

In the moment, faking creates a quick fix. The partner feels validated, the sexual script reaches its “end,” and the awkwardness dissolves. But that relief is temporary. Over time, the person faking begins to feel disconnected—not only from their partner but also from their own pleasure. The act of pretending chips away at authenticity.

2. Reinforcing Dissatisfaction

Each time someone fakes, they teach their partner that what’s happening works. The result? The partner keeps repeating the same actions, never realizing they’re missing the mark. What began as a small mismatch turns into a cycle of frustration and unfulfilled desire.

3. Erosion of Trust and Intimacy

Sexual intimacy is built on vulnerability and honesty. When orgasms are faked, the partner on the receiving end is left in the dark, and the partner faking often carries a sense of dishonesty. If the truth eventually surfaces, it can feel like betrayal—even if the intention was never to deceive. Trust is fragile, and sexual dishonesty makes it harder to maintain.

4. Internalized Shame and Self-Doubt

People who regularly fake orgasms may start to believe their bodies are “broken” or that their pleasure doesn’t matter. This internalized shame can lower self-esteem, create anxiety around sex, and even lead to avoidance of intimacy altogether. For some, it sparks the thought: If I can’t orgasm the way I’m “supposed to,” maybe I’m the problem.

5. Emotional Distance Between Partners

When pleasure is performed rather than experienced, partners lose the opportunity to build genuine closeness. The fake climax ends the encounter on the surface, but underneath, resentment, loneliness, or sadness may be brewing. Emotional distance creeps in, often silently, until the lack of authenticity becomes the relationship’s norm.

6. Pressure That Snowballs

Once someone fakes, it can feel harder to stop. The partner expects the same “performance,” and breaking that pattern requires honesty that feels riskier the longer the habit continues. The pressure builds, and so does the emotional weight of pretending.

The takeaway: Faking orgasms is rarely about selfishness—it usually stems from wanting to protect someone else’s feelings or avoid awkwardness. But the cost is heavy. Over time, it reinforces dissatisfaction, erodes intimacy, and leaves both partners further from the sexual connection they actually crave.

The Role of Gender and Cultural Expectations

Faking orgasms doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s not simply about two people in bed—it’s about the stories, scripts, and expectations society places on sexuality. Gender roles and cultural narratives shape how people think they should behave, and those pressures often push individuals toward faking.

1. The Burden of Masculinity

Men are taught early on that their sexual performance is tied to their worth. “Real men” are supposed to always be ready for sex, stay hard, last long, and give their partner an earth-shattering orgasm. That’s a lot of pressure to carry. When reality doesn’t match the cultural script, some men fake orgasms to protect their own image—especially if they’re dealing with exhaustion, anxiety, or performance issues. For them, pretending can feel like a way to maintain masculinity.

2. The Pressure on Women to Please

Women, on the other hand, are often socialized to prioritize their partner’s experience over their own. Centuries of cultural messaging frame women as “givers” of pleasure, not receivers. Many women internalize the belief that sex isn’t about their enjoyment but about keeping their partner satisfied. Faking becomes a tool to protect a partner’s ego, avoid confrontation, or fulfill a perceived duty.

3. The Porn and Media Script

Movies and porn usually depict sex as effortless: both partners climax simultaneously, loudly, and dramatically. Real-life sex rarely looks like this, but people absorb these portrayals as the standard. When reality doesn’t measure up, faking becomes a way to mimic the “script” society has taught us.

4. Cultural Silence Around Desire

In many cultures, open conversations about sex are still taboo. Without healthy discussions about pleasure and anatomy, people don’t learn that orgasm takes time, varies from person to person, and doesn’t always happen. Instead of advocating for themselves, they often fake in silence because they feel embarrassed to admit what they really need.

5. The Double Standard of Sexuality

Men are praised for sexual conquest; women are shamed for being “too sexual” yet judged if they don’t orgasm easily enough. These double standards put both partners in impossible positions—leading to performance pressure, miscommunication, and a cycle of faking to meet unrealistic expectations.

The bottom line: Gender roles and cultural scripts don’t just shape how people see sex—they directly influence behaviors in the bedroom. Faking orgasms often isn’t about dishonesty at all. It’s a survival tactic in a culture that equates worth with performance and intimacy with flawless execution.

How to Stop Faking and Start Feeling

Breaking the habit of faking orgasms isn’t just about stopping the performance—it’s about creating space for real pleasure, honesty, and intimacy. That shift takes self-awareness, communication, and a willingness to let go of the idea that sex has to look a certain way. Here’s how to start.

1. Recognize When and Why You Fake

The first step is awareness. Pay attention to the moments you feel the urge to fake and ask yourself what’s driving it.

• Example: You realize you fake when sex drags on, because you worry your partner will feel rejected if you ask to stop.
• Example: You notice you fake when your partner tries something they like, but it doesn’t do much for you—and you don’t want to crush their confidence.

By identifying your triggers, you can start planning healthier ways to respond.

2. Shift the Goal of Sex Away From “Performance”

Instead of thinking of sex as a performance with an orgasm as the grand finale, reframe it as an experience of connection.

• Scenario: You’re in bed, things feel good but not orgasmic. Instead of pretending to climax, you say:
  • “That feels amazing, keep doing that.”
  • Or, “Let’s switch it up—I’d love more of this.”

This keeps the mood alive without faking, while guiding your partner toward what actually works.

3. Communicate Honestly—But With Care

Honesty doesn’t mean blurting out, “I’ve been faking for months!” Instead, frame conversations around curiosity and growth.

• Example Script Outside the Bedroom:
  • “I want us to get even closer, and I realized I don’t always tell you exactly what I need in bed. Want to experiment with me to figure out what feels best?”
• Example Script In the Bedroom:
  • Instead of faking, say: “I don’t think I’m going to get there tonight, but this still feels so good. Let’s just enjoy this.”

The key is to center intimacy, not blame.

4. Explore Solo to Understand Your Body

If you don’t know what turns you on, it’s harder to explain it to a partner. Solo exploration—masturbation, toys, fantasy—gives you a roadmap to share.

• Example: You discover clitoral stimulation works better for you than penetration. The next time you’re with your partner, you can say, “I’d love if we added this in—it really gets me there.”

Knowing your body is empowerment, not selfishness.

5. Redefine What “Good Sex” Means

Let go of the idea that sex only “counts” if both people orgasm. Great sex is about pleasure, intimacy, and feeling connected—even if climax doesn’t happen every time.

• Example: You and your partner enjoy kissing, touching, and mutual masturbation without either of you reaching orgasm. Instead of faking, you acknowledge: “That was so hot, I feel so close to you right now.”

This takes pressure off the outcome and places value on the experience.

6. Start Small and Build Confidence

If honesty feels scary, start with little shifts instead of big confessions.

• Example: Instead of moaning dramatically to signal a fake orgasm, say, “That feels so good—more of that.”
• Example: The next time you feel the urge to fake, slow things down with a request: “Can we kiss for a bit? I love when we linger here.”

Each honest moment chips away at the need to pretend.

7. Celebrate Progress Together

When you’re open and it leads to a better experience, reinforce it.

• Example: After trying something new, say: “That was amazing—I loved how you listened to me.”
• This positive feedback makes your partner feel good and keeps the cycle of honesty going.

The Real Payoff

When you stop faking and start feeling, you give yourself permission to experience sex as it really is: messy, imperfect, playful, sometimes awkward, but ultimately more intimate. You build a sex life where you don’t have to pretend—and that kind of honesty is where real satisfaction begins.

When to Seek Support

Sometimes the habit of faking runs deep. Or maybe you’re not even sure you’re capable of orgasm. That doesn’t mean you’re doomed.

When Professional Help Helps

• If you feel like you “can’t stop” faking even when you want to.
• If you’ve never had an orgasm and feel anxious about it.
• If past trauma makes sexual honesty overwhelming.
• If mismatched expectations are creating major relationship stress.

A sex therapist or sex-positive counselor can help you untangle these issues in a safe, supportive space.

Faking orgasms might feel like the easy option, but it keeps you from the real intimacy, connection, and satisfaction you deserve.

The truth is, you don’t need to perform to be loved. You don’t need to hit some cultural “finish line” to prove you’re good in bed. Real sex isn’t about pretending—it’s about showing up honestly, exploring curiously, and creating connection that feels true.

So here’s the challenge: next time you’re tempted to fake, pause. Ask yourself—what would it look like if I chose honesty instead?

Because when you stop faking and start communicating, you open the door to sex that’s not just performative, but deeply, joyfully real.