Does talking with your partner already feel worse than screaming into the void or negotiating with brick walls?
Let's talk about the elephant in the room— broken communication.
Lack of mutual understanding slowly poisons even the most passionate love into bitter apathy and distance. Resentment takes root as bad seeds of sadness, anger, blame...until everything plays out across a stage with the curtains drawn during the tragedy's final act.
But the show doesn't have to end in a scene where no one listens, walls thicken, and dreams fracture. We CAN mend gaps, transcend triggers into vulnerability, and rewrite the script through compassionate courage towards intimate connection again. And I don't just mean safe surface niceties...but that, 'I feel SEEN and adored inside-out, even mid-disagreement!' type trust.
I won't pretend it's quick or painless to excavate defensive walls brick by brick. But on the other side lies rebirth into an unbreakable, resilient bond you won't recognize compared to this embattled battlefield.
Take my hand...let's discuss on how to fix communication problems in a relationship!
What Are the Common Causes of Broken Communication?
Oh, poor communication—the plague of interpersonal relationships! Imagine trying to send a handwritten note in the middle of a storm or a war through a carrier pigeon like in the movie Valiant. That's definitely chaotic.
Couples who struggle to express their opinions or thoughts in a clear and polite manner may find it difficult to communicate.
This can be due to a variety of factors, such as:
1. Talking But No Listening
Talking, talking, talking, but is anyone really listening? It's like the world's become one big karaoke stage with everyone belting out their own tunes without ever stopping for a duet. Communication is a two-way street. It doesn't just involve about talking but also most importantly listening.
2. Emotional Baggage
Baggage – we all have it. It's almost impossible to meet someone without one. Communication might be hampered by unsolved issues, fears, and hurts from the past. It might feel like attempting to make a clear phone call while in a tunnel. To cut through the noise and hear each other out clearly, we must first acknowledge and deal with our emotional baggage.
3. Different communication styles
Have you ever had a feeling that your partner is answering you in Morse code while you are speaking French? The thing is, much like we have different languages and dialects, everybody also has a different communication style that is shaped by their personality, experiences, and background. Deciphering each other's signals requires an appreciation and understanding of these differences. The goal is to learn to dance to each other's beats, not to switch languages. It's not that hard.
4. Unspoken Expectations
One of the things that discreetly sabotages communication is unclear expectations. It's similar to sending your partner on a mapless scavenger hunt! Don't deny it; there are times that we often think that our significant other can read our minds and know what we want just by reading our body language. As someone who has a Psychology degree, people often assume that I can read minds but the truth is, no one can read exactly what's on everyone's minds. Effective communication starts with laying out expectations and not hiding them.
5. Misinterpreted Messages
In a time where our phones accompany us most of the day, seeing face-to-face may be overshadowed by the appeal of these screens. Digital problems like as misinterpreting content or failing to notice just a nuanced emotion can already lead to problems. Texts and emojis are open to interpretation by its readers which is why it can be tricky. Keep in mind that human communication cannot be fully captured just by a text or an emoji. There are moments when it's better to disconnect from technology and reconnect with reality.
6. Assumptions
Oh, assumption, you sneaky little troublemaker! It's like we've all been enrolled in the University of Making Things Up and Deciding They're True. The problem with assumptions in relationships is that they are like landmines. They may appear innocent at first, but one misstep and... KABOOM! You've created a damage of wounded feelings, misunderstandings, and animosity.
Do not assume you understand what your partner is thinking, feeling, or saying. For example, "He always says he'll help with the dishes, but then leaves me to do them all." or "She never complains about me leaving my dirty socks on the floor, so it must not bother her." To make sure you're in agreement, check by asking questions.
7. Fear of Vulnerability
It might be uncomfortable to be vulnerable. I know. I've been there. It's like letting the world full of critics see your emotional underbelly. The reality is, though, that connection and understanding are born out of vulnerabilities. Embracing your vulnerable side is OK; it's what makes you human, after all.
Let's work on our communication skills so our messages don't get lost in translation like a bad movie dub.
What is the Impact of Broken Communication on Relationships?
The impact of broken communication on relationships is like trying to have a serious conversation in a room full of chatty parrots. Broken communication can cause all sorts of havoc.
Here are some common consequences:
1. Misunderstandings and Misinterpretations
A study by the Gottman Institute found that couples who communicate poorly are more likely to experience misunderstandings, which can strain their relationship and make it difficult to resolve conflicts. Broken communication creates a breeding ground for misinterpretation. It's the classic game of telephone where the original message gets distorted as it passes from one ear to another. Unintended meanings and assumptions amplify discord, turning a gentle breeze of disagreement into a tempest of conflict.
2. Emotional Distance and Withdrawal
"You said what? No, I heard something completely different!" When communication falters, a chilling effect sets in – emotional distance. It's like continents drifting apart. Partners may coexist physically but emotionally feel light-years away. The warmth of connection diminishes, and the frostbite of misunderstanding takes hold.
3. Unhealthy Patterns and Conflict Escalation
Ineffective communication can lead to unhealthy patterns, such as blaming, stonewalling, or passive-aggressive behavior, which can escalate conflicts and make it harder to resolve issues.
4. Erosion of Trust and Resentment
A study by the University of California, Berkeley found that couples who communicate poorly are more likely to experience unresolved conflicts, which can contribute to relationship dissatisfaction and instability. In the absence of effective communication, resentment takes root. It's the shadow that looms over the sunny landscape of love. Resentment grows when needs are unmet, feelings are dismissed, and communication falls on deaf ears. Over time, this shadow can eclipse the love that once thrived.
5. Diminished Intimacy and Connection
Communication breakdowns can make us feel more alone than a penguin in the desert.
A study by the University of Virginia found that couples with poor communication skills experience lower levels of emotional connection and intimacy, which can diminish their overall relationship satisfaction and fulfillment. Imagine intimacy as a delicate flower. When communication withers, affectionate gestures fade, and emotional connection weakens, the petals of intimacy start to fall. It's the quiet erosion that takes place when shared moments become fewer, and the heartbeat of the relationship faintly echoes.
In summary, broken communication can have a lot of bad effects on relationships, affecting emotional, relational, and professional dynamics. Recognizing the importance of effective communication and actively working to improve it can help mitigate these negative impacts and foster healthier and more constructive relationships.
How Do You Fix Broken Communication in a Relationship?
Broken communication is a puzzle waiting to be solved. It's not about blame; it's about understanding, adapting, and growing together.
The first step to fixing any problem is to acknowledge that it exists. If you're not willing to admit that there's a communication problem in your relationship, you'll never be able to fix it. Once you've acknowledged the problem, it's important to identify the root cause. This could be anything from stress and anxiety to underlying resentment. Once you know what's causing the problem, you can start to address it.
Gottman (2015), suggests that the key to fixing communication breakdowns is mastering the ancient art of listening. Yes, folks, it's not just about waiting for your turn to talk – it's about absorbing, understanding, and responding. It's like verbal Kung Fu, and you, my friend, are the sensei.
Fortunately, there are steps couples can take to improve communication and strengthen their relationship:
- Create a Safe Space for Communication: Set aside dedicated time for uninterrupted conversation, free from distractions or interruptions.
- Practice Active Listening: Pay attention to your partner's words, body language, and emotions without interrupting or formulating your response prematurely.
- Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings and needs using "I" statements, such as "I feel..." or "I need..." to avoid blaming or accusatory language.
- Validate Your Partner's Feelings: Acknowledge and validate your partner's emotions, even if you don't fully agree with their perspective.
- Avoid Generalizations and Absolutes: Use specific examples instead of generalizations or absolute statements, which can be defensive and unproductive.
- Take Responsibility for Your Role: Acknowledge your own contributions to communication breakdowns and be willing to take responsibility for your actions and words.
- Seek Professional Help if Needed: If communication issues are severe or persistent, consider seeking professional guidance from a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationship dynamics.
Effective Communication Exercises for Couples
Regular practice can enhance communication skills and strengthen the bond between partners.
Here are some helpful communication exercises:
1. Share Your Daily Appreciation
Regularly express your gratitude and appreciation for your partner, highlighting their positive qualities and contributions.
2. Engage in Shared Activities
Participate in activities you both enjoy, creating opportunities for shared experiences and fostering connection.
3. Practice Empathy
Put yourself in your partner's shoes and try to understand their perspective, emotions, and motivations. Davis (2017) confirms that empathy is the superhero cape of relationships. Walk a mile in your partner's shoes, or better yet, try on their superhero cape. Empathy doesn't just mend communication; it turns you into a relationship Avenger.
4. Play "The Listening Game"
Take turns being the speaker and the listener, focusing on understanding each other's viewpoints without judgment.
5. Use Nonverbal Cues
Language does not only revolve around words but also with gestures. Communicate through nonverbal cues, such as eye contact, touch, and facial expressions, to convey your feelings and intentions too.
6. Timing is Everything
Ever tried telling a joke during a funeral scene in a movie? Exactly. Timing matters. Research (Beebe, 2017) highlights that choosing the right moment to discuss important matters is crucial. Because nothing ruins a heartfelt conversation like a poorly-timed punchline.
7. The Sandwich Technique
Ever heard of the sandwich technique? Research (Gordon, 2009) suggests that sandwiching criticism between compliments is a game-changer. It's like serving a relationship BLT – a Bite of Love and Truth. Because nobody likes a criticism sandwich without the bread of appreciation.
For example,
Positive Statement: "I value your honesty and openness."
Expression of Concern: "Sometimes, I feel like we don't communicate effectively when we're having a disagreement."
Positive Statement: "I'd like to work together to improve our communication skills. Maybe we can try setting aside time taking a communication workshop together or even downloading the Couply app to help our communication problems."
This isn't your average dating app, folks. Couply is like having a personal relationship coach in your pocket, ready to help you navigate the tricky waters of communication and rediscover that spark that made you fall in love in the first place.
Always keep in mind that it requires time, effort, and sincere commitment from both you and your partner to fix a broken communication. Remember tonderlying issue, establishing a safe place for communication, avoiding placing blame and accusations, accepting responsibility, and asking for help when you need it.
About the Author
Sheravi Mae Galang is a Content Coordinator for the Couply app. Couply was created to help couples improve their relationships. Couply has over 300,000 words of relationship quizzes, questions, couples games, and date ideas and helps over 400,000 people. You can connect with her through email (sheravimaegalang@gmail.com).
